Portraits in Quarantine

By Joanna C. Valente

Quarantine has changed us, whether we like it or not. Viruses don’t care about feelings - or have an agenda of their own other than survival. Much like us, viruses are wired to survive and adapt. Right now, we’re adapting to our current situation, to survive. The losses during this pandemic have been unfathomable, devastating - with human life deprioritized over the economy.

So many people have lost loved ones, income, safety, and security. Many of us, even while experiencing these losses, haven’t even begun to grasp what it all means, and what our lives will look like in a few months.

For all the technology we have, it’s scary to find ourselves in a situation where we don’t have enough - when our technological advances should mitigate this to begin with. No one in 2020 shouldn’t have access to healthcare, proper medical supplies, or staples like toilet paper and food. No one should feel discriminated against, and turned away from medical attention, because they’re trans, for instance.

For me, I’m trying to use this as a moment of self-evaluation, a moment to reset, define what I want for my future, start to make actionable plans, much like how mercury retrograde rids us of toxic people, habits, and situations. This, of course, is easier said than done - especially while dealing with loss and trauma. We’re all in a moment of whiplash, pushed to live lives very different than we were living at the start of 2020.

“Normalcy” doesn’t exist, and society’s “normal” before COVID-19 was clearly broken for a variety of reasons (largely that the economy is anything but humane), both socially and economically. Being thrown into a different way of living is difficult for everyone, especially when so much of it hinges on isolation. This kind of isolation prevents us from receiving the kinds of support from our family and friends we often rely on during traumatic moments.

‪Lately I’ve been trying to celebrate joys and finding joy in the everyday and everywhere, especially since there’s so much we can’t control right now. The lack of control, and how obvious it is, can be especially overwhelming. Because of that, I’m trying to focus on the small things I can control as way to find meaning and joy. ‬

This is all “common sense,” but it’s easy to overlook when we’ve been trained to constantly work, tiring ourselves out so much that we overlook these moments - or focus on what we don’t have yet and how we can “level up.” The ways we react, the everyday moments we can control (even simple things like making sure to eat three times a day, play music you enjoy during tasks) ultimately lays the foundation for our happiness. And that does make all the difference, especially right now.

As a photographer, I enjoy documenting moments, partially as a way to create a memory, a marker of time, but also as a way to understand change. To see the change right in front of my eyes. It occurred to me, recently, to take portraits of myself and my partner to do just this. It’s a small act I can do - and control.

Below are some portraits of us and my studio apartment. I focused on taking photos of myself at my desk, where I work my full-time day job remotely, as well as the couch (which is where we tend to relax and eat meals as there is no dining table).

Largely, I wanted to capture us and the space in an honest, authentic way - without sugarcoating it or staging it or “cleaning it up” or making it look prettier with perfectly placed silverware and artfully cooked meals. If anything, the opposite became true at times - prioritizing ease over beauty or thoughtfulness. And while part of me doesn’t want to admit this, life can be ugly sometimes. Routine can be life-saving, but also exhausting, especially in the beginning of the quarantine when routine-setting and orienting is still new.

If the pandemic has taught us anything at all, it’s taught us to be kind to ourselves.

Joanna C. Valente is a human who lives in Brooklyn, New York. They are the author of several books, including Marys of the Sea, #Survivor (2020, The Operating System), and Killer Bob: A Love Story (2021, Vegetarian Alcoholic Press). They are the editor of A Shadow Map: Writing by Survivors of Sexual Assault and received their MFA in writing at Sarah Lawrence College. Joanna is the founder of Yes Poetry and the senior managing editor for Luna Luna Magazine. Some of their writing has appeared in The Rumpus, Them, Brooklyn Magazine, BUST, and elsewhere. Joanna also leads workshops at Brooklyn Poets. joannavalente.com / Twitter: @joannasaid / IG: joannacvalente / FB: joannacvalente