Emily J. Cousins: This Body Is a Monstrous Trap
LIKE MEANING IS COMING
wake up to the rain at 2 maybe not rain pretend it’s rain
keep the lights out watch the storm come in
too many redundancies in the system
what an itch time to write about the seasons again again
I want to tell you I dream mostly about the women I meet
& work but I don’t know what I mean by that & I haven’t
been dreaming all that much anyways
you’ll edit it anyways anyways no no be quiet
my turn to talk I am such a honey trap for you
only write like this when you are away & what does that mean
& don’t go down that path because maybe there is simply
too much of me for this room
for you probably for this poem every time
I’m looking for a new way to sabotage w/o fail & one day
we will walk to the park and you will _____ & I will say little
or nothing same as I always do & it will rain
coming home a hot wet summer water will take the petals from the trees
make a trench in the bed & lie there
don’t plan on getting up keep your mouth shut jaw tight
thought like a single playing card
like a scrap of text no no a string unraveling slowly
no real predicting it what a noisy experiment maybe our bodies
will clog the machine long enough let’s get high and pretend
the weather doesn’t affect us the weather doesn’t affect us
I will try to sleep because lord knows when else & you will count
merchandise it does not affect us let’s pretend
like some new undiscovered planet growing in you expand expand
expand sometimes I don’t know how to feel lucky to be w/ you
be sure to break me all those nasty habits
place the snare under the leaves behind the couch in the sheets
write about meaning like I am going to find it
like meaning is coming just wait
but life is distracting me from everything I need to be thinking
& this body is a monstrous trap of molecules
moon still high & hunched at 9AM imagine getting on the hwy
avoid the whole lot right now my libido work disinterest in general &
I am so not this body this more & more spider like thing
& somehow that is meaning meaning is coming
Emily J. Cousins lives, teaches, and writes in Denver, CO. Emily’s poems have appeared in, or are forthcoming from, Denver Quarterly, The Laurel Review, Copper Nickel, Bombay Gin, Hobart, The Collapsar, and elsewhere.
